Episode 2: The Pineapple Princess

Today I bring you part 2 of my Epic poem.: The Tupperware King. If you haven't already, you should start by reading Episode 1: The Tupperware King.

Once again, I offer no explanations or apologies. Enjoy or don't.

Episode 2: The Pineapple Princess

Have you heard of the Tupperware King?
Who hangs plastic buckets from the ceiling?
Across the river from the Pineapple Czar,
The two are close allies whether near or far. 


Both good rulers have issued one big behest
To rid their lands of the Tupperware Pest!
This demon, this devil, this plague on the land
Has given both kings many a ruined plan!

But the Tupperware Pest had a plan so mean
Neither king could’ve guessed what the future would bring.
So the Pineapple Czar was astounded one day,
To see that the Pest had stolen his Princess away.


The Pineapple Princess had been kidnapped that night
And she bravely bore the horrible flight
To the lair of the atrocious Tupperware Pest,
Where she would become his new treasure - his guest.

The Tupperware King was upset to find out
The that Princess next door was with the big lout,
So he sent the Tupperware Prince on a quest
To find the lost Princess and destroy the foul Pest.


The Tupperware Prince set out that same day
Riding north, though the Black Forest lay in his way.
He feared nothing but the Tupperware Pest,
But he had to defeat it and destroy its nest.

He reached the broad hillside, the home of its lair,
Looked around vainly, but the Princess wasn’t there.
He hoped and he hoped that some information he’d glean,
But the villainous Pest was nowhere to be seen.

Dismounting his steed, the Prince looked around
Wondering where the ill Pest could be found,
When suddenly his wandering eyes should behold,
A rare piece of tupperware hiding in the wold.

He tiptoed closer, eyes growing wide
As the treasure grew closer, soon his new prize.
A yellow-covered bin, with container and lid,
A worthy antique about to be his.


Before he could pounce on this holiest grail,
The sky grew dark and he saw the great tail
Of the Tupperware Pest, aloft in the sky,
And he thought for a moment 'twas his turn to die.

The vilest beast in the kingdom dropped down
And picked up the Prince and his sword and his crown.
Flying away, held tight in its grip,
The Prince crossed his fingers, hoping he wouldn’t slip.

Not too long later, the Pest let him down
Roaring and laughing at catching two crowns.
Now the Pest had bargaining power to behold
To get from the kingdoms tupperware, fruit, and gold.

The Prince darted into the cave filled with fear,
And felt shame and surprise as the Princess drew near.
“Are you feeling okay?” asked the Pineapple Princess.
And the Prince nodded bravely, though he'd been dispossessed.


The Prince apologized, “I’m sorry I got caught.
All of the work I put in for you was for naught.”
“Don’t you worry,” the Pineapple Princess advised.
“I’ve got a plan you’ll see with your own eyes.”

“No talking!” the Tupperware Pest loudly roared.
“But Tupperware Pest, we’re ever so bored!”
The Princess called back, her voice without fear,
And the Prince admired the gall of his peer.

“I don’t care if you’re bored - you’re my meal, you’re my feast!
Just wait til I’m ready to eat you at least!”
The Pineapple Princess grinned with glee
“My plan is working,” she whispered, “you'll see.”

“I don’t see,” the Tupperware Prince whispered back.
“How will it help if we’re his afternoon snack?”
“We won’t be,” the Pineapple Princess replied. 
“I have a plan - just be ready to ride!”


For the next few hours she shredded her skirt
Into long strips that were covered with dirt.
She tied them together with her deft hands
While the Prince watched and wondered about her big plan.

Once she was finished she hid her creation
Behind some rocks in a peculiar formation.
Then she lit a fire and the cooking began
And the smells rose up from the boiling pan.

The Tupperware Prince sat right down to wait
While Pineapple Princess paced, paced, and paced. 
The sun went down and the sky grew black,
And the Princess said, “Time we lay down some whack.”

The Tupperware Prince felt his eyebrows raise
As the Princess called out, “Pest, are you ready to graze?”
“Is dinner served?” The Pest cackled out,
“What have you cooked that will please my snout?"


The Princess ran behind the crevice in the rocks
And gestured to the Prince that towards her he should walk.
The Tupperware Pest flew in with a roar
And the Prince flinched and waited to get eaten or gored.

Then the Princess shrieked and yelled loudly
Jumping out from behind the rocks rather proudly,
Landing smack on the back of the Tupperware Pest.
She wrapped her skirt rope around his tupperware chest.

"Climb on his back, my Tupperware Prince!" 
She called as the Pest roared, howled, and winced.
Holding tightly to her makeshift reins,
The Princess grinned as the Pest strained and strained.

The Prince climbed up and held on tight
And the Princess cried "Hyah!" and they rose into the night.
The Pest's great wings flapped as he roared
And high above the Tupperware Kingdom they soared. 

Not too long later they landed safely
In the courtyard of the Tupperware King bravely.
The Prince climbed off and gave the Princess a bow.
"You saved me, I owe you. No, seriously, wow."

The Princess waved politely, and rose once again
And the Pest, now defeated, bleated in vain.
And the Tupperware King ran out to see
Them disappear into the night over the lea.

From that day forward the Princess was known
As the one who defeated the Pest all alone.
The Tupperware Prince was proud to call her his friend
And the Pest learned to fight for and defend

The Princess and her kingdom and all who lived there
And their Tupperware allies, and all people everywhere.  
The Pest never once tasted human again
But was happy instead to be captured, not slain.

So if you've heard of the Pinapple Czar, 
Then you've heard of his daughter, a legend, a star
And her mighty defeat of the Tupperware Pest,
And her generous rule under the Pineapple Crest.


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